Twisted Logic
by Death101- Fox Version
Summary: What! FF wants us authors to remove all our YYH stories and warns us about a punishment if we don't? The hell with that. I shall rebel and keep my stories posted. What's the worst that could happen? ... Where did this house plant come from? Rated PG-13 on safe side. G on slack side.


**A/N: I couldn't write and I was talking with Shea279 who inspired me to write this to waste time. Sorry that this isn't the new chapter. I just needed to vent. Please don't take this too seriously. This is just me writing really badly. Like before I started on YYH fanfictions. Also the authors mentioned here may or may not act like I have portrayed them to. I just sorta made up the personalities to what I needed them to be.**

_Disclaimer: If I owned YYH, this never would have happened. Also I am not assassinKage. I just really like her story. Also don't own Saiyuki. Only 3 volumes of manga._

Dedicated: To all my reviewers for I'll Show You What I Can Be. If it weren't for you, I never would have gotten into this situation. Also dedicated to Yoshihiro Togashi for making Yu Yu Hakusho. If he hadn't I wouldn't have the characters to torture or a reason for them to get revenge on me. And Lights aura858 for helping me get this far by betaing my first romance story. Finally, to Spidey for joining me in writing Fanfiction and starting me off. Thanks for helping digging the grave guys.

* * *

Attack of the Killer Houseplants  
AKA  
Twisted Logic  
(Because we all know authors have very twisted logic)

It was a pretty nice day outside with the temperature somewhere above zero, and the sun hidden behind the clouds, not that a Fanfiction author would know this. Death 101 Fox Version – Death for short – was sitting at her desk trying to write the next chapter of her story. In the background, noises could be heard from the kitchen but with the great ability of an author hard at work, Death ignored them. Tirelessly, she stared at the blank white page as the blinking line mocked her.

"You can't write. You can't write a single word," it sang.

"I can destroy you. I will destroy you," Death muttered back. She tapped her fingers on the mouse pad in time with the blinking. Once or twice she went to write something but shook her head and resumed tapping.

A minute passed. Death stared at the page. Five minutes passed. The page remained unchanged. Ten minutes passed. She was doomed. Writer blocked, Death released a big sigh and did what every great Fanfiction junkie does. She gave up and signed into MSN. While waiting for a reply to the messages she sent, she decided to read some doujinshi.

After reading the Yu Yu Hakusho doujinshi entitled "Tasogare" by assassinKage for about an hour, and talking to a fellow Yu Yu Hakusho author for even longer, Death received an email.

"Fanfiction site user,

Due to complaints the site has been forced to band all stories Yu Yu Hakusho related. If you have a story that is Yu Yu Hakusho related please delete it before April 1, 2010. Any Yu Yu Hakusho stories remaining will de deleted, and the user/creator will face a punishment. Thank you.

- Staff At Fanfiction"

If it were not for the fact that all stories had to be removed by April 1st, also known as April Fools' Day, Death would have deleted her stories instantly. Unfortunately, she decided to speak with her fellow Fanfiction authors first. All of them agreed it had to be an early April Fools' Day prank.

"If they were serious, they would mention what the punishment is," Night-rainbow27 said.

"And more animes than just Yu Yu Hakusho would be removed," added Kaori Minamino.

"It has to be a prank," sycoandcrazy agreed.

"Well I'm NOT removing my stories!" said Shea279.

In the end, they all agreed it was just a prank and dismissed the email. They would forever regret it.

April 1st came and went and for a week Fanfiction did not mention the punishment the five would receive. After a month, they had all forgotten about it. Then, a month and five days after April 1st, while Death was trying to figure out the best way to torture the character known as Kurama in her story for being such a tragic sacrificing hero, it happened.

Death was staring at the white screen with the black mocking line as usual when she felt a shiver go up her spine. She dismissed the action as nothing, her eyes focused solely on the computer and her ears on the music that was pulsing through her headphones as she tried to figure out how Kurama would describe his current situation.

A slight creak came from the wall behind her, but she assumed it was the drunk next door crashing into the wall. She turned the volume down on her music so that she could hear if she needed to call the hospital and continued to stare at the empty page. Her cats meowed in the next room as they did whenever anyone entered the apartment. Death ignored them. She typed down a word. A footstep came from the other room. She typed down a sentence. A hand was on her doorknob. She typed down a paragraph. The door was opening! The words appearing on the screen had Death's full attention.

"Still on your computer?" asked Spidey.

"Yup," replied Death as she continued to finish the page. "Finally figured out how to torture Kurama and write it from his POV."

"How?"

"Just have Tsukino get into another hostage situation and him get really mad. He gets sane when he gets mad for some reason."

Spidey rolled her eyes. "Brilliant. So did your stories get removed?"

Death shook her head. "Nope. Looks like it was just a prank. The gang said that nothing has happened to them either."

Spidey frowned. "Werid. In the news there was some kid who was attacked."

Death nodded. "Because she wrote YYH doujinshi and the site warned her not to? Yeah I heard about that. Didn't make any sense to me. Apparently the kid was a Yaoi fan though so that probably didn't help him."

"She said that a guy who looked like Jin did it."

"I thought the news said that it was a teen about 6 feet with odd red hair and blue eyes did it."

"The girl's blog said Jin."

Death shrugged. "So? That was over on the other side of the country, and I write Fanfiction with straight guys. Not doujinshi about Jin and Touya as a couple."

Death and Spidey shuttered as one at the thought, but after a moment, Death was back to typing. Spidey waited silently as she petted the two orange kittens and looked around Death's room. All the walls were covered by posters. Surprisingly, not one was Yu Yu Hakusho. After studying the posters for a few moments, Spidey came to realize the new addition to the room.

"When did you get the new plant?"

Death looked up from her typing to stare at her friend. "What plant?"

Spidey pointed to the potted fern on the night table by the door. "That one. I thought you said you didn't leave the house yesterday."

Death frowned and stood up. "I didn't." She reached out to the plant and found a small card wrapped to one of the leaves.

Spidey snatched it out of her hands, and her voice rose to a fan girl shriek. "Death has a secret admirer!"

Death stretched. "Or a stalker. How did someone manage to get this in here without making a noise?"

Spidey turned the letter over to look at the neat and proper handwriting on the front of the envelope. "Maybe you just had your music too loud."

Death shook her head. "The ninja cats should have stopped anyone who came in here."

"They didn't stop me."

Death rolled her eyes. "They know you because you come over here too much."

"So maybe this guy comes here too much."

"So I have myself a stalker?"

Spidey grinned. "Or a love-sick boy who used the fire escapes."

Death shuttered again. "I'd rather have a stalker. Besides, what guy would like me?"

"One who doesn't know you very well."

Death nodded. "True. Can I see the letter now?"

Spidey reluctantly handed the blue envelope over, and Death frowned down at the name written on the envelope. "If this was a boy who was lovesick, why would he write down my Fanfiction penname?"

"Maybe it's just a fan?"

Death paled. "Some fan who went to a lot of trouble to find out my real name and where I live to give me a potted fern."

Spidey's fan girl grin fell off her face. "But you use Death 101- Fox Version as a penname for your books, right?"

Death tried to smile. "Yeah, I guess. Maybe my publisher is just trying to scare me off my Yu Yu Hakusho fanfictions so that I write more stories for him?"

Spidey nodded. "Yeah. That's it."

"Then I guess I'd better open this?"

Spidey nodded again.

Death inhaled and opened the envelope. She took out the little card that was bordered with roses. The middle was blank. She started to turn the card over. A rock tune belted out from her computer's speakers. Both women turned to the computer to see that one of Death's fellow authors was online. The clock beside the computer stated the time was 12:42 pm. In 18 minutes Spidey was going to be late for work. Death put the card down and turned to lead her friend out the door.

"I'll read it later when you're back from work, okay?" Death asked.

Spidey gulped and tried to smile. "Yeah. Okay. If you read it before I get back, I'll go ninja on you," Spidey joked, trying to lighten the mood.

To her relief, Death laughed loudly. "My **ninjas** could kick your ninja skills any day."

Spidey smiled widely. "We shall see, young grasshopper."

Death mockingly bowed to the waist. "Yes we shall, young worm."

Both girls laughed, and Spidey left. Instantly, Death walked pass her cats into her room but was careful to leave the door open. If the cats saw someone come in, she wanted to be the first one to know about it. Noticing that her fellow author was waiting for a reply, Death sat down at her computer and read the message.

"LightsLunarfox says: Heya, what's up?"

Death typed back, "Nothing much. A weird plant showed up at my house, and I can't read the message that came with it until Spidey gets back from work. What about you, Shea?"

There was a pause before Shea wrote back her reply. "Weird. A stray cat came up to me and scratched me when I petted it. Then I got an email from some guy named Cliff Lazenby."

"Weird. What'd the email say?"

"That I had used up all my chances, and he even gave me extra because I'm a girl, and he doesn't fight girls."

"Weird. Sounds like Kuwabara."

A rock tune rolled out of the speakers once more signalling that "Anatomy Class ROCKS!" had signed in. After checking with Shea, Death added Anatomy to the conversation.

"Hey, Kaori, what's up?"

"Nothing much. Someone lit my garbage cans on fire, and I found a dead cat in my room."

Death looked over her shoulder and quickly counted the moving balls of fur in her apartment. Two. Both Haku and Toguro were accounted for. She exhaled not knowing why.

"Someone killed your cats?!" Shea asked.

"Not mine. Just a cat. Looked like a stray. Black fur. Missing an eye."

"That sounds like the cat that scratched me."

"When did that happen?"

Death decided now was a good time to speak up. "Shea got scratched by a stray and got an email from some Cliff," she scrolled up the conversation to check the spelling of the guy's last name, "Lazeby."

"Isn't that the guy who voiced Kuwabara in the movies?" Koari asked.

"You mean Kuwahara? And no clue," Death replied.

"Why would a voice actor email me and say that I had used up all my chances?" Shea asked.

"He WHAT?!" demanded Kaori.

"Apparently, someone is sending you people threats," Death typed as she looked at the plant out of the corner of her eye. It couldn't be… could it? "Or maybe Cliff has gone off the deep end and thinks he is Kuwabara and wants revenge for you writing those stories."

"Then who is after me?"

Both Shea and Death were silent. Slowly, Shea typed out her message. Paused. Then sent it.

"Maybe Hiei? After all your garbage was burned."

"But why me? I haven't done anything to him! It's not like I ship him with Kurama or anything."

"Maybe it's just a prank. A really late April Fools' prank from Fanfiction," Death tried to joke.

"What about you, Death? You have stories still posted. Did anything weird happen to you?"

"Other than a weird plant showing up at my house, no. And no, I have not gotten any threatening letters… anymore than usual."

"What does that mean?" Shea asked.

"My publisher hates me. In fact, I wouldn't doubt that he sent this plant to me to try to scare me. That's all this is. A prank by some people who know of Yu Yu Hakusho. Everything that is happening to us now is a copy-cat crime because of that girl blogging that she got attacked by Jin."

There was a pause.

"Do you really believe that?" Kaori asked.

"Honestly, no. Not really. I have a card here that I haven't read yet so I might be in the same boat as you guys."

"You going to call the police?"

"No. If I am right then they are getting swamped by calls right now. I'll just wait it out with my ninjas to protect me. What about you?"

"I'm with family right now so I'm not too worried," replied Shea.

"I'm with family too," replied Kaori.

Death sighed aloud, wishing she was home too. "Lucky. I'll probably just lock everything really tight and sleep with a knife. Maybe that will help."

"If you had to fight against Yusuke maybe. But by the sounds of it you have Kurama," Shea said.

"So I'm dead."

Both of the fellow authors sent nods.

"Brilliant."

"Still not going to call the police?"

"Nope. I'll go rob a bank and get sent to jail. That should be safe, right?"

A minute passed, and there was no reply.

"I was joking guys."

"I know," Kaori texted. "I just thought I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Must have been my imagination."

"Well there is something good about this," Death typed. "Even if I am versing 'Kurama', it won't be the real Kurama. Just some kid who thinks they are like him so I should be fine in my apartment. We have burglar alarms."

"Best of like then," Shea typed. "I meant luck. Stupid keyboard."

"Thanks. I hope that Syco, Crazy, and Night are okay. They all kept their stories up. Although they all deleted theirs about a week ago. Maybe they were smart," Kaori wrote.

In her apartment, Death nodded. "Yeah. Hope so too. At least you and me have the two worst cases. After all, who could be worse to have stalking you than Hiei or Kurama?"

"Jin or Touya? They were both ninjas."

"I'll ignore that."

"Haha," replied Shea and Kaori.

The authors continued to talk for a while until they all signed off and continued with their day. At least, that's what Death said she was doing to do. Instead she went to her email and looked for the email address of someone she hadn't talked to in a long time. Lights aura858. Back when Death was new to the anime and Fanfiction in general, Lights aura858 had been a good mentor teaching Death many things. Such as the difference between worse and worst. If anything bad was happening to Fanfiction authors, L.A would know. L.A knew **everything.**

Death sent a quick email, explaining the situation and waited for a reply. In the meantime, she opened Microsoft Word, found the about-to-be-published story she had been working on, and read through what she had written the previous day. The hero was talking with the king about the possibility of a traitor to the crown being present in the court. Blah, blah, blah. The king was in disbelief. Twice blah, blah, blah. Traitor attacks hero. Thrice blah, blah, blah. Fight to the death. Rice blah, blah, blah. Hero dies. Blah, blah- wait!?

Death reread the passage. "The hero had failed and the traitor ascended the throne?" she muttered. Who the hell had hacked her computer and wrote something like that?!

She continued reading. The death of the hero was drawn out and bloody. Something Death was incapable of writing. She read to the end and was about to puke when she noticed a passage of fine print size 5. Dreading what she would find, she highlighted the print. Reluctantly, her curser crawled over to the font choice box. She clicked on the box beside it and made the print a readable size. If she had any colour left in her face, it vanished now. Written on her file by a hand that was not hers, the passage said, "Your punishment will be far worse."

Not a second later, L.A sent her reply. It turned out that L.A had deleted all her stories before Fanfiction had sent out the warning so that she could redo them. When she went to repost, Fanfiction had blocked her, stating that the section was not found.

Not sure what else to do, Death private messaged Night and Syco and Crazy. The replies came back quickly. Each of them had received threats similar to Kaori, Shea, and Death. Whoever they were giving warnings, not signals to sign their last will and testament. If these were copy-cat crimes then she and the other two must have been sent warnings and either not received them, or did not recognize them. Deciding to leave her story the way it was, Death opened her junk folder. It was empty. The warnings must not have been delivered though email. She started to close the page and remembered Kaori and Shea. They didn't know about the warnings either. Perhaps there was still a chance to stop these weirdos from attacking. Quickly, typing faster than she ever had before, Death sent each an email telling them to think back and see if they were ever sent a warning. If they could prove they hadn't received a warning, maybe whoever was targeting them would spare them of the punishment that the other authors had met.

Death stood up and grabbed her coat. Grabbing her keys, she headed out.

If she was to have received a warning, it must have come from the mail. Walking at ten steps a second, Death quickly reached the post office and charged inside. After waiting in a line for an hour, she finally was able to get her mail that she hadn't picked up for the past month. Moving to the side, she flipped through the letters. Bill, more bills, free trip, letter from home, bill, junk, junk, letter from her brother, parcel from Chapters (must be the Saiyuki manga she had ordered), another bill, letter from publisher. Nothing. No signs of a letter that could have come from some voice actor gone nuts or some copy cat. Throwing all the mail into her bag, Death ended for home. There were no emails and no letters. How were her warnings delivered? Were there even any warnings to start with? Death thought back as she walked. Had anything odd happened in the past month? She thought back as far as she could. Tried to remember every detail of every second. She even tried to remember what she had eaten every night. Nothing. Except for the trip to the vet for Toguro who had eaten some weird weed in her window flower…

Death shook her head. That was just a coincident. Wasn't it? Death hadn't seen the weed, and the vet wasn't sure what Toguro had eaten. Death shook her head. If that was a warning, it wasn't Kurama's style. If he was doing to warn someone, he would have been more obvious than that… Unless he hadn't wanted her to get the warning. Quickly, she thought over all her stories and tried to imagine how mad she would be if she was Kurama, and those things had happened to her… She was so dead.

An arm grabbed hers and pulled her towards the middle of the sidewalk. Shocked, Death pulled back and stopped walking. She turned ready to yell at the person when the words died in her throat.

"I'm sorry, miss. I thought you were going to walk into the pole."

Her voice still wasn't working.

"Miss, are you alright? Perhaps I should see you home."

The man reached out to touch her again. Death instantly jumped back. Her voice now found.

"Fine. I'm fine. I've gotta go. Thank you. Bye."

She ran without looking but was careful to avoid running into alleys and her home. Whoever this nut job was, he had gone all out. Ever hair was just right, so red that it looked almost purple. And the eyes. The eyes were so green they looked real but at the same time fake. Like they had been animated, drawn.

Death ducked into the library and made right for the computer room. The whole time she kept an eye out for a red-haired man with a black coat. The computer room was not empty, thank Ra. Everyone looked up as a dishevelled, twenty something rushed into the room looking over her shoulder as if she had the devil on her heels. Not even noticing, Death dropped into a computer chair and signed into email. She probably should have just gone home. After all, that Kurama look-alike obviously already knew where she lived. He had already been there twice. Once to attack her innocent cat and the other to plant the… well plant. However, there was a method to Death's avoiding of home. Kurama would not attack her there if he was able to attack her somewhere else. Like a park. If he attacked her in the park, she could scream for help and maybe someone would hear. If he attacked her at home, there was little hope for someone to notice at this hour in the day, and her cats would also be in danger.

Her email was empty. Kaori and Shea either hadn't replied or not gotten the emails. Praying, Death signed into MSN. To her amazement and terror, a little box in the corner of the screen informed her that she had just logged in from her home computer as well. The bastard had broken into her house again! And had managed to hack her computer apparently. The jerk!

Death forced herself to breath and sent herself an email, knowing that the copy cat would get it. She demanded to know why he insisted on stalking her (although she had a pretty good idea why) and told him to leave her cats alone.

The reply came from herself as she had expected.

"We did warn you, you know. Also, you do not have to fear for your cats. The plant that the smaller of the two had eaten only made him sick. It could not kill him. We are only interested in punishing you. However, I agree that the greatest punishment would be knowing that you were the cause of your dear pets' demise. Finally, I would not recommend calling the police. Koenma agrees this is necessary."

Before she could send another email, he had logged off from her home computer.

Death was hyperventilating. She was shaking. Tears were starting to form. He had her. The damn bastard had her trapped. He was right about the police. Koenma would be able to cause them to disregard anything she said. Being ruler of the Spirit World had perks like that. He also was right about the cats. Unlike Kuwabara, Kurama was completely ruthless. Even though Death was not completely aware of this trait while watching the anime and reading the manga, she was quickly realizing it now. Killing a little cute ball of fur would do nothing to his conscience. Damn it, why couldn't she have pissed off Kuwabara? At least then, her cats would be safe, and she would have gotten a far warning.

A worse thought hit her suddenly. What if he felt that wasn't enough? What if he went after her family too? What if he had already gotten them? Trying not to cry, Death turned to the person beside her and asked to borrow their cell phone. Since this is completely unheard of in the city, the man stared at her for a moment. He took in her terrified face and handed her the phone. Seconds later the phone was ringing.

One ring.

Two ring.

Three ring. Why hadn't they picked up?

Four ring. They were just out. Walking the dog. That was it.

Five ring. They were walking the dog. They were okay. They were okay.

Six ring- "Hello?"

Death almost gasped in relief. "Mom? How are things?"

"Honey? Things are fine here. Are you okay? Is everything okay?"

Damn, her mom had heard the shaking in Death's voice.

"Yeah. Everything's okay." For the moment. "How is everyone? Has anything strange happened?"

"No, nothing. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," Death tried to sound like her usual lay-back self. "Just got attacked by Haku and Toguro. The little guys jumped me when I came out of my room. I just thought I would call and make sure that Shiara's potty training was going good."

"It's going fine. She still bites a bit but she'll be out of that soon. But that's not the real reason you called, is it?"

Death tried to steady her breathing. "Actually, I did need a favour. I need someone to look after Haku and Toguro after I- While I'm gone for a trip." She couldn't let her mom know. Who knew how far Kurama would go.

"Sure. When are you leaving?"

Good question. "Tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yeah. Sorry about being last minute." Her steadying tone pleased her. "I just forgot about it with my writing and everything."

"It's alright. I just wish you would call more when you didn't need a favour."

Death nodded though she knew her mom couldn't see her. "I know. Sorry. Maybe I'll come by later and stay a few weeks after I'm back from the trip?"

She could almost see the smile on her mom's face. "Sounds good. So when will you be dropping them off?"

"Can I drop them off now? I still need to get packed and they keep jumping my suitcase."

"Now?" Death could almost see her mother's confused and shocked reaction. "Well, sure I guess. I'm not going out or anything."

"Thanks mom."

Death hung up and handed the phone back to the man. She signed out of MSN, her email box still void of unread messages. Dejected and hoping that Kurama would at least let her drop her cats off before killing her, she readied to go.

"You shouldn't let him win so easily."

Death paused and turned to face the man who had allowed her use of his cell phone. The voice sounded familiar. Old and sorta… like an uncle would sound like. An old uncle.

"Pardon?" Death asked, hoping to get the man to speak more so that she could figure out where she had heard his voice before.

"That red haired man. I saw him pull you on the sidewalk. You shouldn't let him win so easily. You're a writer aren't you? Write him a new plot. How many times have you made his plans fail in your stories?"

Death frowned. "I'm sorry but what?"

The old man groaned and turned to face her. Death took a step back. That wrinkled face. Those huge gray eyebrows. The long gray hair. And the gray eyes. It was Suzuka in a disguise. Death's mind tried to make sense of it. She believed in coincidents to a certain extent, but this was crossing the line. She was about to believe that Kurama was just a sick twisted human being with amazing hacking and breaking and entering skills, but now that this Suzuka had shown up she had to believe otherwise. Somehow, someway, the Yu Yu Hakusho characters were real, alive, and she had royally ticked off the real Kurama.

The old man grabbed her arm and pulled her out of the computer lab. Down the lines of books they went. Where they stopped, Death didn't have a clue. As she was expecting, Suzuka reached up to the chin of his face and pulled the skin right off. Death amused herself by noting that she wasn't as freaked out as she probably should have been. She had just found out that Yu Yu Hakusho was real, and there she was staring at Suzuka as he changed from Onji to Suzuka. Moments later she was looking at the make-up-less clown who was wearing oddly coloured clothing.

"Feeling better now that you won't get real wrinkles?" Death couldn't help but ask. Kurama wanted her dead. What could Suzuka do that was worse than that?

Suzuka, not understanding the joke, ignored it. "You are a Fanfiction author, right?"

Death nodded.

"And you've written stories about Kurama doing who knows what, right?"

Again, she nodded.

"In those stories, how many plans did Kurama make?"

Death blinked and rubbed the back of her neck. "I dunno. Six maybe seven?"

"How many of them succeeded?"

"Barely any."

Suzuka pointed at me dramatically. "And that is why you have a chance."

Death cocked her head to the side, not understanding. "How does my fictional Kurama's plans' failing help me in the real world?"

"In your stories you were able to change the reality to your will thus destroying many of Kurama's plans."

Death looked at her hands. "So does that I can change reality here?"

"No."

She looked up at him. "Then how does that help?"

Suzuka groaned. "Listen, the way your mind works is that you take what you know and twist it around to make twisted logic right?"

Death nodded.

"Twist his logic. Convince him that it was a good thing that you wrote the stories."

Before Death could say anything else. Suzuka disappeared behind a pink cloud, and she was alone. Alone in a library. Alone in a very huge library where noises are muffled. A library where if she screamed no one would hear.

"I'd better get out of here," Death muttered.

Turning to her left, she ran down the line of doors until she got to the exit. She was going to get her cats or die trying. Unfortunately for her, that's where the odds lay.

Death ran towards her apartment and ran right past the red haired man in the lobby who watched as she ran up the stairs rather than using the elevator. Panting for breath and trying to ignore the pain in her knees, legs, and chest, Death rushed into her apartment, nearly giving her cats a heart attack.

Both Haku and Toguro stared up at her with eyes that were slowly changing from blue to amber. Trying to remain sane, Death grabbed their things and put everything in the cat carrier. Then she turned to her cats. Haku decided to approach her in the usual way and rubbed up against her legs. Toguro, deciding that the cat carrier meant another road trip, ran for the back room. Knowing full well that Kurama was on his way up, Death placed the cat carrier down and placed Haku in it. Regret made her almost pause to pet the cat, but fear caused her to close the door and chase after the second cat. A few scratches later, Toguro was in the cat carrier as well.

Death locked up her apartment and started towards the stairs. As she was passing the elevator, the doors dinged open. Death didn't look towards her left but stared at the carrier in her right hand as she continued to the stairs. Footsteps followed her. Death started to walk faster. The footsteps followed suit. She paused to open the door. The footsteps continued. She entered the stairwell. A hand grabbed her shoulder.

"What is up with you?" Spidey asked as she turned Death to face her.

Death spotted Kurama over Spidey's shoulder and looked away. "Nothing. Just dropping the cats off. I have to go on a trip."

"What trip?"

"Publisher made some sort of deal with a school so now I have to go talk. That's all. "

"What gives, Death? How come you keep looking at the floor?"

"Toguro has started to figure out the locks for the carrier. I'm trying to make sure that he doesn't escape."

"Why don't you buy a new carrier?"

"This one works fine."

"It can't be working that great if you won't even look up." Spidey sighed. "So did you read the card yet?"

Death's mind whirled. Card? What card? OH! That card. "No, not yet. I promised to wait."

Spidey nodded. "Well I can see you are in a hurry, so I'll go get it and meet you at the car." She started to turn to head back to the room.

"Hang on," Death said looking up and checking the hallway for signs of red. "I forgot something in my apartment. I'll go get it and the card, and you can take the cats down. Okay?"

Spidey frowned and studied Death's face. After a moment, Death said, "What?"

Spidey suddenly smiled. "That's the Death I know." She took the carrier and disappeared down the stairs, the smile still on her face.

Death, on the other hand, turned to walk back to her apartment. A look of determination on her face and terror in her eyes. She opened the door. He was sitting on the couch looking completely at home. She walked past him and grabbed the card. He watched her like a fox watching a tender young rabbit. She started to out the door. He stopped her by holding up a pair of keys.

"I believe you forgot these," he said casually as if he wasn't going to murder her in the near future.

Death tried to swallow. "Thanks." She took the keys from him, trying to avoid looking at him.

She turned to leave once more. Again, he stopped her.

"I suggest reading the card once you reach your card. Please do what it says. The last thing we want are Fanfiction writing ghosts. Once you are done, I would strongly recommend coming back here unless you don't care what happens to the people around you."

Death could feel her limbs wanting to dart from the room, but she forced herself to walk slowly. If she was doing to die, she wasn't going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her anymore terrified than she already was.

Once inside the car with Spidey, she took the card and flipped it over. Forbidding and regret filled her as she read the passage.

"Say goodbye to the moon and stars for they disappear in your splendour.  
Say goodbye to the wind and the rain for I will protect you.  
Say goodbye to mother and father for I will be your family now.  
Say goodbye to sadness and fear for I will always be near.

Until we meet again, I wait and long.  
Because when we last parted, you took a piece of my heart.

Love,  
John."

Spidey instantly burst into fan girl gusting as she went on about how Death had a lover.

"Now I see why you didn't want me to read it. You didn't want me to know about him until the wedding. So what's he like? Is she cute? Does he have a brother?"

Death tried to smile and appear as if Spidey had hit the nail on the head. "Yeah sorry about that. John and I… we aren't really… well I guess we are together. I just never thought of it that way and I didn't tell you."

Spidey seemed to be paying more attention to Death than the road. "So what is he like?"

"Well he is… interesting. Likes gardening." And plotting to kill me. "Likes Poetic," justice, "books. Just your normal guy."

Spidey wouldn't stop asking questions and didn't notice Death's awkwardness. Soon they arrived at the home where Death's parents lived. After Spidey 'spilled the beans' about 'John', Death found herself being questioned by her mother who sensed something was up but couldn't place what. Death avoided the questions and instead went to talk to her younger siblings and see the new puppy Shiara. After spending a few hours in her parents' home, Death and Spidey returned to the road. After dropping off Spidey at her own home, Death drove towards her apartment, only pausing long enough to stop in at the library to check her email one last time. Nothing but Death had been expecting that.

Kaori was a goner. That much was certain unless Yukina had helped her like Suzuka had tried to help Death. Hiei would not let up on a kill once he had made up his mind… unless the kill beat him in a fight like Yusuke had. Kaori had little hope of that so hopefully Yukina had helped since Kurama had gone off the deep end and wouldn't be in a saving mood. Must have been all that yaoi or maybe they just reached the end of the rope.

Death once again considered all the things that the Yu Yu Hakusho characters had been put through and winced. Suzuka only wanted to be remembered so he didn't care. That was why he probably wanted Death to convince Kurama to let Yu Yu Hakusho fanfiction return. The main characters, however, took a beating daily. So Kaori and her were goners unless Yukina had stepped in to help Kaori. Or Genkai.

Shea probably stood a fighting chance since Kuwabara didn't want to hurt her and probably was just venting and unable to back down because of his manly ego.

Night, Syco, Crazy, and L.A had all got off with no problem.

Only she was certainly doomed. Unless Genkai decided to take pity on her. Which was unlikely. Why the hell didn't she just name the ninjas Yusuke and Kuwabara? Then maybe Yusuke could have been willing to give her a hand. Dreading it, she walked as a lady to her execution.

She opened the door, ready to give Kurama a debate only to be silenced. The house plant had grown. A lot. The leaves covered the walls and the ceiling. Vines came from the pot as well, crawling on the floor like long, thin, green snakes. And the master of it all sat on a chair. His Death Plant framed the piece as though Kurama sat on a throne and not just a simple wooden chair. Well she was doomed. She might go out unseen but not unheard.

"This is not fair," she shouted. Childish and pathetic but it got the fox's attention. "All I did was write a couple of stories. Gossip. And now you are going to kill me and maybe even attack my family because of it?"

"We did warn you."

"By an email from Fanfiction that could have easily been an April Fools' prank. How is that a warning?"

"We sent other warnings."

"By poisoning my cat!"

Kurama smiled and motioned with his hand towards a chair sitting opposite to him. "You should sit. With all this stress, you could collapse."

"I'll stand. I've been sitting all day."

He nodded and looked out the window where Toguro had eaten the plant. "Actually that was not my doing. The weed had grown on its own, and the cat ate it on its own free will."

"Then what warning did you send?"

He frowned. "Emails just as everyone else did."

"I did not receive any emails stating that I was to remove my stories or perish."

"Then I'm afraid to say that they were placed in junk and deleted. Unfortunately, the fact that you did not receive the warnings has no impact on what I am about to do. If I allowed you to live, then all the others would have to let their prey live as well. " He ran his hand through his hair.

"So why me then? Why not some other hardcore Hiei X Kurama fan girl?"

"How do you know that I haven't punished any other people?"

"No news reports have shown up about people being cut to ribbons by thorns or eaten by plants."

Kurama chuckled slightly. "It's amusing how much faith you have in your media. How do you know that there are no bodies waiting to be found that have been 'cut to ribbons'?"

Death's mouth went dry. "Just because we wrote stuff about you and the other characters doesn't mean that it's right for you to kill us off."

He nodded. "Perhaps."

Death didn't let him finish his thought. "Did it ever occur to you guys that the reason we write fanfiction is because we are missing that in our lives?"

"That?"

She tried not to smile as she felt a speech rise up from her. Maybe Suzuka was right. Maybe she **could** twist Kurama's logic.

"People who write action are missing action so they write stories about Yusuke going to rescue Keiko from some demon or something. If a kid is missing a person to vent to, they write about their OC venting to Hiei about how life sucks. If a kid is missing a friend, they write that they make friends with the gang and get roped into trouble. If someone wants a bit of trouble or danger in their life, boom a story about you guys saving the world again is born. And if someone is missing humour, they write a joke. We're only human so the jokes often are at your expense. We can't help it that we are sadists."

Kurama's eyes narrowed. "And that is why authors write?"

Death nodded. "One of the reasons."

"So what are you missing?"

Death paused. She hadn't thought about why she wrote the way she did when she made the speech. Now she had to think of why she wrote other than for pleasure. What was she missing that caused her to write the way she did?

Kurama waited patiently and watched her as she worked through her thoughts. Unfortunately, that didn't help Death one bit.

Finally, she shrugged. "Action and a life?"

Kurama smiled thinly and stood. "I'm afraid you are correct. Very shortly, you will be missing your life."

She had hoped to end on a joke. An appeal to Kurama's human side. (If he had one.) But it looked like she had just signed her death sentence. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Kurama reach up to his hair once more and pulled out a rose. What was once her favourite flower was now about to become an instrument in her hated demise. Irony sure had a sad sense of humour.

However, because Death wasn't looking right at him, she noticed the silver glint of a blade. The small rapier seemed to beckon to her, calling her to arms. She had gotten as a birthday gift from her brother who had bought it while in England. How he had gotten it through customs, Death had no clue, but what was important was it was there.

Without thinking of a plan, Death ran to the kitchen. Unfortunately, she had forgotten about the plants underfoot. The vines wrapped around her feet, tripping her. She hit the ground hard. Small cuts opened in her cheeks and clothing where she had rubbed against the huge fern leaves that had become razor sharp. The vine loosely snaked their way up to her waist as she tried to get up. The fern she had landed on forced her into a sitting position as the vines wrapped around her arms.

Kurama seemed disappointed as he looked down on her. "I had hoped that you would at least provide a challenge after you managed to avoid me in the streets by keeping your self around innocents."

Death glared at him, but her glare was not of a battle hardened warrior. Instead it was of a small child who was scared witless but was trying to be strong. Outward obediently silent but inward regretting many things.

"You could have ran, you know," Kurama said more to himself than to her. "You could have stayed at your parents' home."

Even a fearful child will speak when it knows no words will chance its fate, and speak Death did. "And watch you kill my family!? Hell no!" With her teeth revealed in a feral snarl, she appeared wolf like. Death, aware of her appearance, even growled slightly as Kurama took a step forward. Like a trapped wolf, she would allow her fear to show but would also attack if she was able to break free.

"Surely that would be preferable to this situation."

Death's eyes flashed as she gritted her teeth. "Would seeing your mother die because you decided to hide behind her like a little boy be preferable to you dieing away from home and her blissfully unaware?" Unaware of it, Death had played her trump card. If Kurama weathered the blow, she would have nothing left to sway his beliefs.

Unfortunately, Kurama once again proved to be ahead of the game. The score was Kurama 3, Death 0, and the game was finishing the sudden death overtime.

"I admit I cannot say anything to counter your words." The vines tightened their grip on Death so that it was now painful. "However, if you knew the reason why I'm doing this, I believe you would appreciate the irony."

"And the reason is?"

"I'm not punishing authors to better my reputation and erase all knowledge about those stories in which you authors insist on portraying me as either a sex-driven teenager or demon or a completely emotionless computer. I'm punishing authors for my mother."

Death was silent. Unsure of what Kurama could say that could make the situation make sense, she waited and hoped he would explain. He did.

"She came across one of your fanfiction sites. On it she discovered the Yu Yu Hakusho section. Unaware of what she would find, she entered the section. The top was a story about her and my stepfather. Curious, she decided to read it. My stepfather entered soon afterwards and saw my mother on the computer reading about how a person, who she did not yet recognize as herself, was cheating on her husband. When she noticed my stepfather, she closed the screen and greeted him.

"Later he returned to the computer and checked the history. He returned to the site and read the story. Unfortunately, the chapter had ended before the fictional version of stepfather's point of view was known and there were no author notes. My actual stepfather believed it to be fact, and thought my mother was sharing this knowledge with the world since it was written in first person from her point of view.

"Believing this, he filed for a divorce. That was three months ago. The divorce is still in its early stages, but my mother is rapid losing health. Because of the nature of the accusation, my mother is unable to convince my stepfather what he saw was false. Even if she manages to at a later date, it does not mater. The trust between them is gone. Their marriage is over, and my mother has fallen ill again."

If Death had been the sort of girl who yelled hurtful things rashly or was able to completely ignore the fact that Kurama was a son trying to avenge his mother, she could have yelled, "Then why are you taking it out on other people!?" But Death wasn't that sort of girl. Instead she just sat there, her feral snarl gone. She was once again a human woman, unsure of what she could say. Out of fear of worsening the situation emotionally, she remained silent.

This did not go unnoticed by Kurama. He had looked away during the telling of his tale, but now he looked back and said, "I'm surprised you have nothing to say. I would have thought you would be telling me that attacking other people wouldn't stop the problem."

Death shrugged. "Just because I yell at you doesn't mean you'll listen to me after you kill me."

"But speaking now could save your life," Kurama pointed out.

"I doubt it. At least I know why you're acting like this. Makes me feel better that it wasn't something I did. I never really felt bad about torturing you because I just saw it as a way to emphasize different sides of the character I thought you were and just a way to get my stress out. Also I'll admit it was fun to write those darker scenes because I knew that if it came down to it, I would have to think of someway that you would think of a way to get out of the situation. It was cool to see how I could pull things like that out of nowhere. Plus it'd have been cool to see how it was all worth it at the ending."

Death rolled her shoulders, which were getting stiff. "This is kinda amusing too. I promised that I would always finish my stories, and if I didn't, I would come back as a ghost and get Spidey to write them. I don't feel like torturing her like that now. Guess you made me reconsider my writing style, Kurama. Probably a good thing that I won't live, I wouldn't be able to write then, and **that **would be Hell… Well not really." Death smiled and tried to make the best of it. "On the plus side, I won't have to worry about getting old."

He nodded— a smile on his face. "Farwell then."

* * *

**A/N: …. You know. I didn't expect this to get so… dark. It was just supposed to be a humorous piece about Kurama's plants attacking me because I made him mad about my stories. And then I just started typing and typing and… well yeah. I got this. Pretty creepy considering I'm not usually this evil to myself. Also, I'm amused by how I had Kurama doing everything for his mom. I just couldn't see him getting bent out of shape about our stories when the only reaction he had to being called a chick was a bit of a ego bust.**

**Anyways, in the above version, I liked how I ended it there with us not knowing if Kurama would have killed me or not. I think it would be more true to Kurama's character to leave it like that since I'm not sure if I could actually twist his logic enough to live. However, because I also wanted to end it in my usual twisted way, I wrote this following bit. Sorta a happy ending. If you like it, awesome. Honestly, I like above version more because there is the mystery. He might have even let me live! Meaning the Farwell would have been him just ducking out through a window. Then I could have scored a free plant and learned if Kaori and Shea lived or not. (Those two would have to tell us.)**

**Actually, typing of that, I think it would be cool to see if anyone else could write what happened to them as an author while I was dodging Kurama. Like who would attack them and how they would deal with it and if they believed they would live or die. So if anyone ever types of a story along this line please drop me a line. I wanna see!**

**Anyways, enough from me. Here is the happy ending.**

* * *

He nodded— a smile on his face. "Farwell then."

Knowing her fate was at hand, Death tried to keep the peaceful mind she had managed to show to Kurama. She had lived a good life. Had lots of good friends. Learned how to write a half decent story. Got to graduate university and even write a few books. She had no regrets… right?

Meanwhile, Kurama pulled his whip tight and readied. He raised his weapon. In a fluid movement, he waved his arm. The whip sounded through the air. Death waited for the impact. A body hit the floor.

Death opened her eyes. Sitting up, she looked around. What had just happened? Where was Kurama? Where were the weird plants? Who had died?! Was it her? Why didn't she feel any pain? Why wasn't she a ghost? Where was the body? Why was she in her PJ's? And… in bed? She stared. Two sets of bluish amber eyes stared back.

Suddenly, it all made sense. Death leaned back on one hand and ran the other through her bands. "Hiya ninjas. That was some dream, huh?"

Whether the cats understood or not, Death hadn't a clue. All she knew was that everything had been a dream. Sorta a shame too. If Yu Yu Hakusho was real and Kurama **did **kill her, maybe she could have become a Spirit Detective. She had the twisted logic for it after all.

* * *

**A/N: … I think this could have just been as open ended as the other. I just killed someone but I don't know who! Damn it. Anyways, happy ending. Again I would love to see someone take this up and write their version of the events that happened. I think it would be really cool. Of course, I don't really expect this to happen so don't feel bad. I didn't see this coming either. I blame Kurama. He is the root of my insanity. I blame him. Anyways, thanks for reading. I realize this isn't my best work details wise but plot wise I'd call this awesome. Or maybe that's just my ego talking. Anyways, thanks for reading. Drop me a message if you write who comes after you, please. See ya!**

**-D101**


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